The Collect Call of Coldthulhu: A Griswoldian Horror on the Travails of Travel
I need providence, as Coldthulhu is an asshole of cosmic proportions.
"Being healthy is the crown that only the sick can see. A lot of times, we take it for granted." - Hasan Minhaj
Sorry it's taken me so long to update my website. I'm still recuperating from painful muscle injuries and a nasty cold, which I suffered during a disastrous family trip to Ottawa three weeks ago. What was supposed to be a fun and relaxing five-day getaway to the Canadian Capital quickly devolved into a true Griswoldian horror, in which my parents and I were plagued with relentless negativity from start to finish. It was a chain reaction...
Our mobile disservice provider unexpectedly cut the data coverage we pay them for, leaving us without Internet access throughout the duration of our trip. This prevented us from going online to look up directions on our phones or chart a GPS route to the hotel, which resulted in us getting lost and driving around in circles along Ottawa's chaotic and labyrinthian streets.
After we finally reached the hotel through trial and error, we were then given directions to a nearby fancy restaurant that led us down a sketchy underpass, and while we thankfully weren't mugged walking through there, I suffered an intense bout of indigestion from overindulging in too much good food and fine wine at said restaurant, which, of course, is entirely my fault.
We never got much sleep at the hotel, due to other guests chatting and laughing loudly in the hallway outside our room, coupled with the deafening rhythm of the big city from the streets below our windows, complete with the vroom-vrooming of mufflerless cars and motorcycles, motorists honking their horns, emergency vehicles blaring their sirens, and drunken revelers shouting at each other, 24/7.
My parents and I have grown so accustomed to using our showerhead bidets, which connect to our toilets via cords and provide geysers of cleansing water that eliminate the need for toilet paper or bathroom wipes, that bathroom business away from home is always a nightmare for us due to the lack of bidets in North American hotels. I've heard bidets are common in Europe and South America, though?
The nonstop wet weather kept us cooped up in our room more than we would've liked, and the one time we attempted to brave such weather, "el viento" stole my only pair of clip-on sunglasses right off my spectacles, blowing them away to parts unknown. Then, while unsuccessfully trying to recover them, I got splashed with filthy ice-cold gutter water, laced with soggy autumn leaves, by a passing bus. Our "Plan B" for the miserable weather, hanging out at a large indoor shopping mall, didn't pan out, due to the overbearing scent of clothing store perfume making us woozy, thus necessitating an early exit.
Next, I somehow got a baffling cut on my toe I can't explain, and then severely pulled all the muscles in my lower-back, hip, butt, and leg while climbing into the shower, making my mobility excruciatingly painful. While my muscle injuries are slowly healing, they still cause me pain when moving my body certain ways. Lastly, my parents and I caught a super cold, I've since dubbed Coldthulhu, which didn't manifest until after we arrived back home, and which continues to torture us over two weeks later.
So, yeah, our "vacation" truly was a Griswoldian horror. With the kick off of the Christmas season commencing around the time of our return home, we would've quickly gotten over our disappointment and frustration over that stressful trip with our usual Christmas preparations. Unfortunately, it's hard to forget a getaway that refuses to get away from you, thanks to the continued ramifications of losing my clip-on sunglasses, injuring my lower-back, and suffering the wrath of Coldthulhu, alongside my parents.
As a result of these lingering "souvenirs", which have since morphed themselves into the unwanted "gifts" that keep on giving, my parents and I have fallen behind on everything in our lives since returning home from Ottawa. Frustratingly, we haven't gotten anything done or ready for Christmas: no tree, decorations, lights, gift shopping, baking, watching movies and specials, etc. Nothing. This disappointing trip has turned me off travelling for the foreseeable future, as I feel no "vacation" is worth this amount of pain, discomfort, or setbacks.
I'm not sure when my parents and I will feel well enough to get started on our Christmas preparations, or when I'll have the energy to resume my usual output of content for the website. In the interim, I'll be updating my GIF collection with plenty of Christmas and holiday-themed GIFs, as it's a relaxing hobby that requires little cerebral fitness, of which I'm short of at the moment. Again, sorry for the lack of new content, and thanks for your patience and understanding.
Do you have any thoughts on this post? If so, feel free to reach out by leaving a comment, dropping me a line, or signing my guestbook to share your opinions on this or any other topic. Also, feel free to press the "like" button if you enjoyed this post, as "likes" help me gauge audience interest in the content I post. After all, I don't want to bore anyone, ha-ha. Until next time, love, peace, and chicken grease!
Posted in "Autistic Perspectives" on Saturday, November 30, 2024.