Not Fun: My Autistic Perspective on Crowds
Not fun.
"Leave my loneliness unbroken!" - Edgar Allan Poe, The Raven
Crowds are an unavoidable aspect of everyday life. Anywhere you go, whether it be walking the streets of a big city, commuting to work or school, visiting an amusement park, travelling abroad, hanging out at the mall, or spending a day at the beach, you're bound to find yourself wading through crowds. Some are worse than others, but they're always annoying. Given that many of us on the spectrum have social anxiety and sensitive hearing, crowds can be extremely stressful experiences. Today, I'd like to go over a few examples.
First, shopping at big box stores, such as Walmart or Costco. The stress begins right off the bat, while cautiously navigating the chaotic parking lot, watching for oncoming cars from all directions. Upon reaching the store itself, you're met with sensory overload: traffic jams of shopping carts clogging the aisles, children running blindly in front of you, people coughing or sneezing on the free samples. It's like being in a real-life game of Pac-Man or Ms. Pac-Man, but with the mazes and ghosts replaced by aisles and customers. Not fun.
Second, riding public transit, a staple of big city life. No matter the time of day, it's perpetually rush hour, and the buses, streetcars, and subway trains are always packed to capacity. You're constantly surrounded by commuters at the stop or platform who want nothing more than to push in front of you when boarding. This is followed by the mad dash for a seat. Then, you encounter the seated passengers who try to prevent you from sitting next to them, using their bags or legs as barriers, or pretending to be asleep (they even do this to the pregnant, elderly, or disabled). Whether you get a seat or not, prepare to have your fellow riders whack you with their backpacks, stick their elbows in your ribs, or put their butts and armpits in your face. Not fun.
Third, going to the cinema. There's a real nail-biting suspense to being stuck at the back of a long line for tickets or popcorn, glancing desperately at your watch and hoping you won't miss the start of the movie. Then, there's the awkwardness of having to sidestep over people's knees whenever you need to get in or out of your seat. Your good view of the screen could be obstructed any moment by a tall person sitting in front of you or latecomers wandering around looking for seats. Oh, and don't forget the annoyance of other moviegoers kicking the back of your seat, chatting loudly, or using their smartphones throughout the entire movie. Not fun.
Fourth, dining at restaurants. There's nothing quite as annoying as being super hungry yet having to wait forever for a table, as experienced by Seinfeld, Elaine, and George. Then, there's the overwhelming and disorienting cacophony of people chatting or laughing loudly, children throwing temper tantrums, and drunken sports fans shouting at whichever game is currently on the TV. It also feels suffocatingly claustrophobic to be seated at a table in the middle of the restaurant and having a maelstrom of servers and patrons swirling around you nonstop. For me, I always require the sheltered privacy of a booth to feel safe in a restaurant. Otherwise, not fun.
I don't bring up all these points to appear rude, spoiled, or whiny. I understand most people stuck in crowds are in the same boat, and any stress they cause is likely unintentional. I just want to demonstrate the challenges of living with autism and how everyday situations are magnified as a result. The longer I'm in a crowd, the higher my stress meter rises. Once it maxes out, I suffer an all-out panic attack, complete with hyperventilating and trembling. It's like trying to hold your breath underwater while diving for pearls and hoping you can reach the surface before drowning. Again, not fun.
I'd like to end off on a positive note. Thankfully, some crowds are avoidable, as online shopping, streaming services, or food delivery are all viable alternatives. When crowds are unavoidable, there are methods to alleviate some of the stress, such as deep breathing, stepping away from the situation, noise-cancelling headphones, stress balls, handheld video games, or even autism service dogs. If you're in the same boat as me, find whichever anchor calms you in these situations and use it. Any port in a storm will do. As always, love, peace, and chicken grease.